1. What to give a man. Basic mistakes in selecting
Choosing a gift for a man is one of the areas where the differences in male
and female psychology are most noticeable.
This difference is so immense that itís often absolutely impossible to explain
it to women. They outright refuse to believe that SUCH gifts can be given to
anyone at all.
So letís see what sort of gifts women typically choose for their men and how
they give them.
is not for a man!
Example 1. Flowers.
My colleague was given an exquisite flower bouquet for his birthday. It was
exquisite according to my wife who visited me at work. The gift was chosen, of
course, by a woman. Naturally, after a couple of minutes the bouquet was flung
onto a dusty shelf where no one could see it, and thrown away the next day. My
wife was outraged by the treatment the gift received, but I was not surprised at
all. I understand very well that flowers make an excellent present for a loved
woman, but definitely not for a man.
Example 2. Cosmetics.
Given the existence of cosmetic products for women and the fact that many women
will enjoy them as a present, surely menís cosmetics must exist as well, right?
The logic is infallible. And when there is demand, there will be supply. Menís
cosmetics of all kinds are produced and advertized, and they are bought and
given to men. As many as 70 % of gifts for men consist of cosmetics and hygiene
Year after year colleagues and relatives give me menís shaving kits, cologne,
etc. And Iím not alone of course. Such presents tend to get either discarded or
given to other men and eventually utilized by someone, probably.
The question is, does a man perceive a shaving kit as a gift, even if he does
use it? In 95 % of cases, no. Men accept such gifts from women without
aggression, of course; they realize that the woman wished them well and that is
comforting enough. But it is not really a present in the sense of something that
makes you happy because you like the object itself, and not just the attention
you received from someone.
is not a gift for a man!
Example 3. Clothes.
Itís a fairly classic present for significant others and relatives. Women give
men shirts, trousers, socks, underwear, sweaters and so on.
It is important to understand that clothing is not a gift for a man. Donít look
at the reaction of an adult when you give him a shirt, even if he does need it
and itís nice and all. Grown men have learned to feign happiness.
As an experiment, give some item of clothing to a 5 to 10 year old boy and watch
his reaction, especially if he has not been brought up with a good knowledge of
etiquette, that is to say, lying. You are guaranteed to hear a couple of strong
words about your understanding of menís needs.
Example 4. Beautiful packaging.
For women itís very important how attractively a gift is packaged (I will talk
about this in a separate essay), so they try to put gifts into nice boxes
adorned with a decorative bow and things like that. Oftentimes the box will cost
more than the gift. Think of all the time that could go into choosing the gift
itself rather than designing the packaging!
The vast majority of men donít care how well a gift is packaged. In fact, they
donít really care if itís packaged at all.
Example 5. Surprise.
Most women enjoy surprises. If you are a man and youíre choosing a present for
your loved one, bear in mind that a beautifully packaged small present she
doesnít expect may mean much more to her than an expensive present sheís
expecting. Understandably, women tend to believe men love surprises just as much
and thatís what theyíll try to do for them.
This is a profound mistake. Men donít like surprises. They tend to formulate
their desires over a long period of time. And they may find making a planned
purchase of a gift together even more enjoyable than if you purchase it
yourself. Yes, thatís how boring and unromantic men are from a womanís
Again, try to test this assumption on boys. Suppose a boy has been begging you
for half a year for a new mobile phone of a very specific model heís chosen long
ago, and whenever you and he walk by the store heíll drag you to the phone,
also, he says plainly that he wants it for his birthday. Now try to make him a
surprise and instead of the phone, give him a great camera that might even cost
more. Brace yourself for a chilly reception, to put it mildly.
Okay, it should be more or less clear now what not to do when choosing a
present. But what and how do you want to do?